Tag Archives: christmas

SVH Magna Edition: Return of the Evil Twin

18 Feb

return twin

Estimated Elapsed Time: 3  weeks

Summary/Overview:

It’s Christmas time in Sweet Valley yet again, and the twins are excited about vacation.  Jessica and Elizabeth are working with some arbitrary inside twincharity group to raise funding for a new children’s wing at the Fowler Memorial Hospital, and they get the brilliant idea to host a New Year’s Eve party at the traveling carnival that will be in town over the holiday.  The owners of the carnival agree to donate all profits to the charity, which is super convenient to the plot.

To celebrate the start of the holiday, the entire gang throws a caroling party.  The group meets at Secca Lake for a bonfire before heading out to sing carols to the unsuspecting Sweet Valley citizens, but Jessica and Todd are both very late, and Elizabeth worries about them.  On his way to the lake, Todd’s car spins out after he sees something move across the road and he slams into a guardrail, fading into unconsciousness.  Jessica sees his car on the road as she approaches and jumps out, saving him just in time, as his car goes over the side of the cliff and blows up.  This is obviously big news, and Todd’s gratefulness for Jessica’s heroics lead him to start to have romantic feelings for her.  This is probably exacerbated by Liz’s completely irrational feelings of jealousy over Jessica saving her boyfriend’s life.  It doesn’t help that everyone wants to ask Jess about it, and the paper even runs their picture on the front page, calling Todd her boyfriend instead of Liz’s.

Things continue to go badly for Liz, who has started dreaming about Margo again, even though she’s totally dead, right?  Also, Todd and Jess are totally into telling their story about the harrowing experience near Secca Lake, and Liz and Ken both feel shunted aside.  Jessica and Liz argue a lot.  Jessica starts having nightmares about Margo.

Meanwhile, in Savannah, Georgia, a moody girl named Nora Chapelle has just lost her father.  Because her mother died years ago, this makes her an orphan.  This is especially true when her evil stepmother offers her $5o,ooo to disappear from her life.  She also lets the bomb drop that Nora had an identical twin sister who was so evil that they gave her up for adoption.  Nora takes off to New York to track her sister’s whereabouts and it isn’t long before she manages to trace Margo’s life from there to Ohio to Sweet Valley.  Despite providing the readers a solid recap of the first evil twin saga, this book also adds information about the ambulance carrying Margo’s body never reaching the hospital, and that it ended up in a river (Margo’s body wasn’t found).  Convinced it’s all the Wakefield twins’ fault, Nora hops a plane to L.A. to get revenge for her sister.  She books a room at the Sweet Valley Inn and starts spying on the Wakefields.

One night, she goes to visit the gravestone that a local teen shelter erected in Margo’s honor.  This makes no sense whatsoever, but neither does what comes next: Margo appears in the cemetary, and the girls realize that the other still exists.  Nora takes Margo back to her hotel room and cringes a lot because Margo is messy and Nora is pathologically clean.  Margo convinces Nora that the Wakefield twins’ lives are rightfully there, and it’s time to claim their dues.

Jessica and Liz make up, but then Margo and Nora mess with their heads one night at the most spectacularly attended screening of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  Liz and Enid go, and Ken and Jessica go, but Nora, posing as Elizabeth, goes with Todd and makes out with him.  Liz and Enid see it and assume it’s Jessica, and Liz FREAKS OUT and screams at Jessica and Todd (separately, and later, instead of confronting them at the theater, which makes way more sense).  The twins stop speaking and go to the New Year’s Eve carnival at odds with one another yet again.

Meanwhile, Nora and Margo fight over who has to be Elizabeth once they take over for real. Margo tells Nora that she should be, since she’s so neat, but Nora also wants to be Jessica.  If this isn’t the most perfect encapsulation of the Liz/Jess dynamic, I don’t know what is.  At the carnival, Liz sulks and Jessica goes into the house of mirrors for a good spook.  After the carnival, Jessica goes home to sleep and Liz stays to clean up.  Nora realizes that Margo has left her to do her own spying and decides to go and kill Jessica before Margo can so that she can take over the twin’s life.  She sneaks into the Wakefield house, stabs the sleeping form of Jessica, and is nearly out the window when Liz walks in and sees it all happen.  Liz collapses onto Jessica and blacks out.  Nora takes off but is seen escaping by Alice and Ned on their way home from party.

The doctors can’t save Jessica, and it’s a few days later when they have a memorial service for Jessica at SVH.  Despite telling the detectives that she knows it was Margo, no one believes her.  When she’s standing in the auditorium, she suddenly realizes that Jessica is still alive and needs her help.  No one believes her about this, either.   She furiously works out the clues Jessica has sent her in dreams.  When the police come to question her again, she steals one of their guns and goes back to the school.

Nora is convinced she has to kill Margo so that she can take over the only remaining Wakefield twin’s life.  She becomes convinced that Margo’s hiding in the basement at SVH and goes there to kill her.  But it’s Jessica! Elizabeth arrives and points the gun at both girls, then makes a decision about which is which.  Nora spills the beans about how she’s not Margo, realizes that she killed her own sister and seems sad about it (even though she was prepared to do that again right here), and then cries.  The police come and arrest her, and all is well again.

Trivia/Fun Facts:

  • Outfit alert: Jessica “borrows” Liz’s candy-striped sweater, white pants, and Christmas tree ornament earrings for the caroling party.
  • Liz and Ken go to see The Shining
  • According to Margo, she’s able to hold her breath for up to 3 minutes underwater

Memorable Quotes:

  • “I have a librarian friend–a former paramour of mine.” (75) [this just made me laugh because i’m a librarian]
  • “Elizabeth is such a prude, she makes me want to throw up.” (182)
  • “Do you know that in all this time Todd has never even managed to get Elizabeth out of her clothes? It’s positively sick!” (210)

A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:

There’s something deeply unsettling to this reader about the idea of a father giving away one of his daughters to an adoption agency/foster care because of clear psychotic tendencies.  The family clearly has money, and it is astounding to me that they wouldn’t even consider psychiatric help before throwing in the towel on a toddler.  I’m choosing to ignore the idea that the Wakefield twins have not one but two doppelgangers, though.  I just can’t handle it.

My favorite part of this book is when Elizabeth steals a gun from the police and faces literally no repercussions.

SVH #111: A Deadly Christmas

8 Aug

deadlychristmas

Estimated Elapsed Time: 2 weeks

Summary/Overview:

Jessica manages to rationalize away the fact that she recognizes the ring on Jeremy in the video of the kidnapper, and goes about her business of being in love with him.  They make plans to DO IT that coming Friday, and Jessica wonders what it will be like to DO IT.  Sue overhears Jessica telling Lila about it and asks Jeremy if he’s serious about just her or into Jess, too.  Jeremy assures her that it’s only Sue he’s got eyes for, but Sue realizes that that isn’t true.  She ends up telling Jessica the entire story, including how she was complicit in staging her own kidnapping, and Jessica cries and cries.  She thinks about how long it’s been since she felt like a normal teenager.

Meanwhile, Liz and Todd go back to the Project Nature cabin to do some sleuthing. They end up discovering the trapdoor to the attic and find evidence of someone being held there.  They also find batteries they think could be right for a tape recorder.  When Liz gets home, Jessica cries about how she was right and Jeremy is a creep.  She tells Liz the entire story.  Though Liz can’t believe that Dear Sweet Sue would ever do anything like that, they agree to try to reach Sam Diamond.  They don’t have her home number,  and instead of asking Ned for it, they go see the local police with the videotape of the kidnapping.  But Steven taped over it!  The detective tells them not to bother with the stupid prank any more.

Jessica cancels on Jeremy and tells him she’s sick.  Sue goes out with Jeremy instead.  But she realizes that Jeremy is a big liar when she finds a one-way ticket to Hawaii in his pocket and realizes he was planning on leaving town without her.  Stunned and hurt, she goes home, confides to Jessica and Liz, and the three hatch a plan to get Jeremy once and for all.  They enlist the help of Sam Diamond.

Jessica makes plans to meet Jeremy and tells him she wants to run away with him (with Sue’s money).  Jeremy agrees, picks her up, and takes her to a remote mountain cabin.  Unbeknownst to him, they’re being tailed by Sam, Liz, Sue, and Todd (?).  Jessica is wearing a wire.  The idea is that they’ll get Jeremy to confess and then arrest him?  This plan is dumb as shit.  At any rate, Jeremy takes Jessica to the cabin and the other car swerves off the road in the storm.  Jessica finds a piece of paper with a bank account number on it but Jeremy FREAKS OUT and comes at her.  Jessica trips, falls, hits the coffee table (this happens a lot) and gets knocked unconscious, just as the Christmas tree lights on fire or something.  Jeremy takes off, leaving Jessica to burn.

Luckily, the group of heroes arrives at the last second. Sue rushes in and saves Jessica, and Liz forgives her for everything else.  Jeremy gets apprehended by the police.  All is well.

Trivia/Fun Facts:

  • There’s a video club at Sweet Valley High
  • If it was Halloween a few days ago, why is the Mistletoe Madness dance like 10 days later?
  • Jessica and Lila go shopping for “teddies” at Unique Boutique
  • INFOMAX is the computer search system Liz uses to look people up.

Memorable Quotes:

  • “‘To belong to each other, body and soul,’ she whispered to herself, quoting Jeremy. What would it be like to be with him like that, to go all the way?” (35)
  • “Disillusioned, confused, only one thing seemed clear to Sue.  Jessica Wakefield wasn’t the only one who’d been living in a fantasy world.” (72)
  • “‘It’s Jeremy,’ Jessica cried. ‘Matt Thorn is Jeremy Randall!'” (127)

A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analsysis:

Probably the best part of this book is the use of the INFOMAX computer that lets Liz look up newspaper articles about people.  She thinks it’s weird that Jeremy Randall didn’t exist until six months ago but doesn’t really push that further.  Then, when they find out that he’s gone under different names before, they finally start piecing it together.  But what’s weird is that we never find out if Jeremy is his real name.  The way the sentences are structured makes it sound like his other names (Matt something, and something else I can’t be bothered to look up) are definitely fake names as well.  So, does he have a real name?

It’s like catfishing, kind of?  I’m not sure.  I just know that I’m so, so glad this mini-series is over.

 

SVH #100: The Evil Twin

13 Jun

the evil twin

Estimated Elapsed Time: 1 week or so

Summary/Overview:

It is Christmas AGAIN in Sweet Valley.

Jessica is sad because she’s still fighting with Elizabeth and is lonely.  She sulks through the special school assembly where Liz announces The Oracle’s plans to feature new columnists after the break, and then when she gets a special candy cane delivery during math class, she’s surprised to see the card signed “Happy Horrordays, Jessica.”

James blows Jessica off and she is sad.  Elizabeth yells at her and she is sad some more.  Then James breaks up with her over the phone even though he totally loves her and she feels even sadder.  When he calls her after Christmas and asks her to meet him at the old marina, she begs Liz and Todd for a ride, since Steven has taken the Jeep to drive Alice and Ned to the airport.  They get there in time to see James get pushed over the edge of the marina by someone.  Todd tackles who he thinks is the assailant, but it’s really Josh, who was trying to stop Margo.  Jessica faints.

Elizabeth gets a special candy cane and card, too.  Hers says something about “Decking the halls with bloody bodies.”  Todd throws the card away and tells her not to worry about it.  Elizabeth goes into her room and finds things mussed up and assumes it’s Jessica’s handiwork.  When Jessica tries to talk to Liz, she blows up at her about it.

Liz dreams about the night of the Jungle Prom and the punch she drank is featured prominently.  When she wakes up, she can’t figure out what about the dream was important.

Margo trolls the halls of Sweet Valley High, trying to gain as much information about Elizabeth as she can before she assumes her life.  She meets James at Kelly’s Bar, and he tells her he wants off the payroll.  She accuses him of falling in love with Jessica, then tells him she doesn’t need his services any more.  But then she threatens him with death if he so much as looks at Jessica again.

She sneaks into the Wakefield house as Liz and hugs Alice, who can’t help but feel weird about the encounter.  She snoops around Liz’s room, reads her diary, and is generally a creeper.  She goes out with Todd as Liz and goes to the mall with Lila as Jessica.  She continues to weave in and out of the house, pretending to be Liz when it’s convenient and causing inconsistencies in everyone’s stories.

Josh Smith is still hot on Margo’s trail, trying to find her and also trying to figure out what she’s doing in Sweet Valley.  He investigates some local unsolved mysteries, including the death of the woman Margo ran over in order to take her job at the catering company and makes connections.

He finally finds the room she’s been renting and breaks in.  There, he finds her walls are covered with stuff about the Wakefield twins.  She’s also written “I am Elizabeth” in red lipstick.

At this point, it’s probably just easier to merge the story lines.  After James is murdered on the marina dock, Todd tackles Josh to the ground.  Margo escapes and calls the police.  Todd and the twins go down to make a statement to the police about what they say.  Josh tries to warn Todd that there’s a psycho on the loose, and despite the fact that Todd is creeped out, he doesn’t seem to put together the weird events of the past several days or weeks or whatever.

Both twins continue to have nightmares and wake up screaming.  Steven tries to comfort them.  Meanwhile, Margo intercepts a phone call from Alice about the disastrous trip they’re on.  It takes for fucking ever for Ned and Alice to realize they’ve been scammed, but then they can’t get a flight back to Sweet Valley because of inclement weather.

Meanwhile, Josh escapes from jail.  Despite the radio alerts that go out about him, he’s determined to get to Margo.  She’s putting her plan into full motion, making sure that Jessica offers “Liz” the right dress she can duplicate for Lila’s New Year’s Eve party.

Liz continues to have nightmares about the night of the Jungle Prom until she finally pieces together the fact that Jessica spiked her punch.  Feeling more betrayed than ever, she cries a bunch.

At the party, everyone looks great and is having a good time.  Margo manages to get Todd alone and makes out with him, but he realizes it isn’t Liz and finally the pieces come together for him.  But Margo knocks him unconscious and runs to find Liz.  She convinces Liz to meet her in the pool house.  When Liz gets there, Margo corners her with a knife.

But Jessica knows Liz  is in danger when she sees her head outside into the rain.  She struggles to get there in time, and then throws herself in front of Margo so she can’t hurt Elizabeth.  There’s a struggle, and then Josh comes in after tussling with Steven (who has rushed to the party because why not) and pushes Margo through a window.  Margo falls to a bloody death.  The twins are saved–and finally reunited.

Trivia/Fun Facts:

  • Josh is staying at the Dunes Motel
  • When Margo applied for the catering job, she apparently used the name Margaret Wake. Weird.
  • Lila has a signature flavor of ice cream at Casey’s: Million Dollar Mocha.
  • Despite the fact that the Beckwiths no longer live on Calico Drive because Annie Whitman moved into their house, Alice tells the kids she left their hotel information with them.  JESUS GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT.

Memorable Quotes:

  • “Margo was demonic, but her madness had a method to it.” (31) [Blogger’s note: THIS IS NEWS TO ME]
  • “Was murderous violence Margo’s answer to everything? Was no crime too heinous?” (67)
  • “‘Having somebody murdered really puts a damper on things,’ Lila observed.” (215)

A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:

What is there to say that hasn’t already been said?  The book is bonkers and BEYOND the realms of even the slightest possibilities.  I think the thing that bothers me most about this one is how dumb everyone is for so long.  The biggest problem here is that there are multiple times where someone mentions an outing or conversation to Jessica or Elizabeth that they have no recollection of, and yet somehow choose to conveniently ignore it.  If someone was like, “It was fun trying on dresses at the mall with you the other day,” and I had no memory of the event, I would be LEGITIMATELY WORRIED.

Whatever, at least this mini-series is over.

SVH Super Star: Olivia’s Story

11 Apr

olivia's story

Estimated Elapsed Time: 1 month

Summary/Overview:

Olivia Davidson is obsessed with painting, and she’s particularly focused on abstract impressionism.  She’s taking classes at the Forester School, and it’s there that she meets devoted artist James Yates.  James is the definition of the starving artist, taking classes on scholarship and living in a tiny apartment, often forgoing dinner and wearing threadbare clothes.  All in the name of art, guys.  At any rate, the two start to spend time together, and despite the fact that James is an insufferable twat, Olivia likes him and feels challenged by his devotion to art.

But she’s feeling pressure at home to conform to more “normal” standards.  Her parents are the definition of conservative, and when her aunt June and cousin Emily come to stay with her family while Emily looks at colleges out west, Olivia feels even more like she doesn’t fit in.  It seems as though her straight-laced cousin has her entire life planned, and that freaks Olivia out.  So she asks her mom to get her a part-time job at Simpson’s Department Store, where she promptly runs into the owner’s son, Robert Simpson.  He lets her redo a display and admires her art, but when she shows him her paintings, the only ones he likes are the generic landscape ones.

Olivia continues to hang out with James, but when he brushes off their plans so he can do art, she goes with Robert to a country club party after asking her to dress down a bit.  It’s as awful as you’d expect, and she feels out of place.  However, she keeps making nearly no progress with James, and when she gives him his Christmas present (a paperweight with his initial) and he tells her it’s the emptiest and most meaningless present he’s even received, she storms out.  But then when Robert gives her a planner, she understands what James means and decides to eschew corporate life for a life of art.

Oh, I suppose it helps that her mother takes her aside one day and shows her the paintings from her youth, before she gave it up for a business degree.  She has a business degree and she’s a manager at a department store?  Really?  That was her life’s dream?  By the end of the story, Olivia and James are together because they love each other and Emily is thinking about going to school in California. I don’t know.   I hated this one.

The B-Plot, if you can call it that, involves Jessica and Elizabeth getting seasonal jobs at Simpson’s Department Store.  Jessica works in the children’s section and Liz wraps gifts.  Jessica sets her sights on Robert, but he’s really only interested in Olivia.  For whatever reason.

Trivia/Fun Facts:

  • Olivia outfit: black leotard and leggins, pink and yellow chiffon skirt, blue checked vest, and an Elvis record in her hair.
  • As if you didn’t know the timeline was fucked: it’s Christmas AGAIN, but Jessica mentions their summer internship at the paper.  FFS.
  • Emily wears a khaki-colored suit and blue espadrilles, because she’s forty

Memorable Quotes:

  • “‘Paintings are life,’ James answered seriously. ‘Everything else is unimportant–money, living in a fancy house, worrying about the little things.'” (19) 

A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:

This was a total slog for me to get through.  Sometimes I struggle with the regular books featuring tertiary characters, but this one had an extra 60 pages or so, and it was AWFUL.  Olivia isn’t interesting.  I remember her being more interesting as a child, but her wishy-washy feelings on everything in this one and complete lack of self awareness or a sense of humor make this a total bore.

Also, the twins have never felt so awkwardly inserted in a story line before.  There was no need for them to be in this one, apart from any fear that it wouldn’t be a “real” SVH novel without their presence.

Finally, is this like the 8th Christmas of their junior year or what?  I’d be willing to suspend some disbelief if there was even a mention of some of the events from past Christmas stories happening concurrently, but there isn’t.  It’s like each one of these Christmas books takes place in a vacuum.  These books are so weird!

SVH Super Star: Enid’s Story

12 Mar

enid

Estimated Elapsed Time: Roughly 2 weeks

Summary/Overview:

Inexplicably, it’s Christmastime in Sweet Valley once again, and Enid and Elizabeth are looking forward to a lot of time together over the holiday because Enid is single and Todd will be skiing with his family in Utah.  Enid is secretly thrilled that she’ll have Liz all to herself, but Liz is very upset about spending Christmas without Todd.  To try to cheer her up, Enid brings Liz to the Dairi Burger, where she ends up under the mistletoe with her ex, Jeffrey French.  The two share a kiss that’s supposed to be a joke but actually fires up Liz quite a bit.  That’s too bad, because it sort of looks like Jeffrey might be interested in Enid, as he invites her to go to the ice skating party with him the next day.

At first, Liz isn’t going to go to the party because she wants to mope about how she misses Todd.  But Jessica convinces her to go, and she FREAKS OUT when she sees Enid and Jeffrey skating together.  Liz believes that there’s something going on between them and Enid has been downplaying it.  Enid apologizes and Elizabeth accepts, but that doesn’t stop Enid from going to a movie with Jeffrey that night.  She’s pretty sure that he’s interested in her, too, but he keeps bringing up Liz.  When Enid stops by his house to give him his Christmas present, he wants to obsess over the fact that Elizabeth baked him cookies.  This upsets Enid, who realizes that her feelings for him are either completely one-sided, or he’s very confused about what he wants.

Wallowing in her pain, she goes out with a former friend from her wild-child days, Brian Saunders.  She ran into him at the ice-skating party, and then he called her and begged her to go out with him.  He swears he’s a changed man, and the two have a nice dinner at a Thai restaurant.  But then he wants to take her to a friend’s house, and though she’s hesitant, she agrees.  Turns out there’s a massive party happening, and Enid leaves a totally-drunk Brian and cabs it home.

Things go from bad to worse for her when she goes to meet her absent-father at the Recency Hotel.  They’re supposed to have lunch together, but when she gets there, he’s already at the bar, reeking of gin and drunk off his ass.  They have a horrible interaction and she runs home crying to her mother, who she promptly blames for her father’s drunkenness.  Her mother tells her that her father has a serious alcohol problem and the two sort of reconcile.

But Enid still feels bad about her dad and worse about Jeffrey.  She reluctantly goes to a Christmas Eve party with Jeffrey at her ex-boyfriend George Warren’s house, but when Jeffrey asks to take Liz aside Enid figures it’s because they’re getting back together.  They aren’t, though.  Jeffrey and Liz clarify their feelings of friendship for each other and part ways amicably.  When Jeffrey goes to find Enid, she’s dancing with Brian (why is he at this party?) and decides to leave with him to piss off Jeffrey.

The two end up drunk and stoned at Miller’s Point.  That escalated quickly.  Jessica brings her date up to the spot and sees Enid out of her mind blitzed, but instead of helping, she goes back to the party.  Meanwhile, both of Enid’s parents are worried about her.  Her dad is sober enough to go look for her, and tries Kelly’s Bar before heading up to Miller’s Point after Jessica spills the beans about what she saw to Liz.

Brian has been joyriding them around in his car even though Enid has begged for him to let her out.  He ends up crashing the car, flipping it over, and starting it on fire.  Luckily, Enid’s dad shows up and pulls her from the wreck before it combusts.  Brian and Enid’s dad are both badly burned, though.  Everyone ends up in the hospital for some reconciliation.

Lila throws a New Year’s Eve party and everyone is there.  Todd and Liz are reunited and Jeffrey and Enid kiss.  Their relationship is left completely undefined, which is good, because I’m pretty sure we will never hear of it again.

Trivia/Fun Facts:

  • Jessica references Dorothy Hamill when she talks about her own skating skills.  Jeffrey tells Enid she’ll soon skate like Sonja Henie.  Hello, dated references.
  • Enid’s gift ideas for Jeffrey’s mom: perfume, a scarf, a fancy cake plate that spins around and sings a song (she already has one), a magazine subscription
  • Enid’s Christmas present for Liz: heart-shaped pink satin box. Elizabeth’s present for Enid: a framed picture of her and Enid.

Memorable Quotes:

  • “Enid looked at Elizabeth affectionately. Elizabeth was always wonderful to be with. She was a warm and friendly girl, the one person everyone at school really liked.”  (2) [Blogger’s note: We’re on page two, and I’m already so creeped out I don’t know how I can go on.]
  • “‘That’s a great idea,’ Jeffrey said enthusiastically. ‘My mom’s always saying that feminism just means a woman gets to have two careers–one inside and one outside the home!'” (33)
  • “‘You’re grown up now, Enid. You should know that there’s nothing wrong with having a couple. Besides, I remember you used to do a little drinking yourself.'” (113)
  • Why do I even try? she wondered. What was the point of going straight and pulling myself together if this is where it gets me? At least before, I was too stoned to notice how miserable life can be.” (126)

A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:

There are a lot of reasons I dreaded reading this one, and most of them have to do with the fact that Enid is pretty much the worst character to get her own Super Star book.  I mean, I might hate Bruce Patman because I think he’s a misogynistic sociopath, but at least he’s kind of interesting at the same time.  Enid doesn’t even have that going for her, which is why I refer to her as the “dripmaster.”  What’s funny, or perhaps alarming, is that it’s pretty clear that the ghost writer didn’t think Enid was very interesting, either, because almost half of this book focuses on Elizabeth’s problems.  Isn’t this supposed to be all about Enid?  Isn’t this her moment to shine?  WRONG! LIZ HAS FEELINGS.

If you are able to separate out the fact that it seems as though Enid’s feelings for Elizabeth run deeper than simply platonic friendship, this book still isn’t that interesting.  Enid finally gets a shot at romance, and it’s with Elizabeth’s leftovers! What is it about this town that encourages such incestuous relationships between its teens?  Furthermore, what “best friend” would ever think it was okay to go after her best friend’s ex-boyfriend, especially when readers know how serious it was for Liz and Jeffrey?

I get that life happens and we can’t actually help who we are attracted to.  I understand, even that if we adhere to the series’ cannon, Enid set her sights on Jeffrey first–although wasn’t that at Liz’s insane urging, because she didn’t want to admit her feelings for Jeffrey?  I’m even willing to admit that maybe these girls are more emotionally mature than I am and could accept their best friend hooking up with their ex–but based on how easily they freak out about stupid stuff, I doubt it.

SVH Super Edition: Special Christmas

31 May

Estimated Elapsed Time: 10 days

Summary/Overview:

It’s Christmastime in Sweet Valley, even though it was summer a few books ago and it was spring in the last published book.  At any rate, the twins are excitedly awaiting the Christmas party being held in SVH’s gym.  It is at this party that everyone will be assigned secret santas, and the Christmas holiday can truly begin.  Naturally, Elizabeth is in charge of assigning secret santas, and while Jess basically threatens her into making sure that Hans (the new foreign exchange student from Germany) gets her name, Elizabeth has no control over it.

Things seem to be looking up for the Wakefield twins.  Jessica is determined to be Miss Christmastime in the Holiday parade, and Elizabeth is eagerly awaiting the return of her beloved Todd from Vermont.  Their festive moods are dampened when Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield announce that they’re going to have a visitor staying with them for two weeks–Suzanne Devlin, the daughter of wealthy diplomat and college friend of Ned’s.  The twins and Steven are outraged–how could the Wakefields put them through another visit from Suzanne after what had happened the last time?  Ma and Pa Wakefield hold firm in their invitation, though, and allude to some sort of mysterious change that Suzanne has undergone.

Elizabeth and Jessica are upset.  They decide to make Suzanne feel unwelcome by doing things like short-sheeting her bed and being kind of snippy.  Jessica takes it a step further by recruiting Aaron Dallas and Winston Egbert to be her secret santas, leaving her mean gifts like empty boxes and ransom-style notes that say things like, “GO HOME SUZY.”

Once Suzanne arrives, though, Elizabeth starts to wonder about whether or not playing mean tricks on her seems right.  Suzanne seems to have undergone an authentic change–she is apologetic and genuine, and Elizabeth can’t help but start to like her.  Steven, too.  But Jessica remains convinced that Suzanne is evil and must be stopped, especially after she catches snippets of a phone conversation between Suzanne and Todd in which it is revealed that the two had seen each other recently.  Jessica assumes that Suzanne is trying to steal Todd away from Elizabeth, and she steps up her evil plan, getting Aaron to invite her to a fake party before the big Christmas bash at the Patman’s mansion only to have her show up at an abandoned house.

It turns out that Suzanne and Todd ran into each other while skiing in Vermont. Todd’s friend liked the look of her, and the three of them went out for hamburgers.  Suzanne seemed like a different person, and by the end of the night, Todd was totally crushing on Suzanne, feeling conflicted about it.  But he doesn’t tell Elizabeth about this meeting, and he asks Suzanne not to tell her, either.

Jessica and Lila are in a showdown for the title of Miss Christmastime.  Lila tricks Jessica into volunteering as Santa’s Elf at the mall and she misses the contest.  Lila wins, and Jessica gets revenge by stealing her dress and leaving her the elf costume for the parade.  Jessica gets to be Miss Christmastime and Lila has to be the elf.

On the night of the big Christmas dance, Aaron Dallas calls Suzanne and tells her he has a flat tire and can’t pick her up.  She drinks some champagne with the rest of the gang after taking a new medication her doctor sent her and then drives out to meet Aaron.  Right after she leaves, her doctor calls in a panic and tells Mr. Wakefield that she can’t drink any alcohol while on the meds.  They ask the twins where she went in a panic, and Jessica cries and fesses up about her plan.  Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield tell the kids that Suzanne has multiple sclerosis and could DIE because of the champagne.

Suzanne falls asleep at the wheel and rolls the Fiat.  Luckily, there’s a cop car behind her and they rush her to the hospital.  After some touch-and-go moments, Suzanne is declared okay, and then her doctor drops the bomb shell that she doesn’t have MS after all, just a rare form of mono that was misdiagnosed.  Also, Liz finds out that Todd has feelings for Suzanne and is okay with it.  They break up amicably, and Todd and Suzanne hold hands.

Everyone rejoices, and they laugh about how Christmas has finally come.

Memorable Quotes:

  • “Ken grinned. ‘Guess you won’t need one of those,’ he said, taking a slip of paper and scanning the name briefly before folding it up and slipping it in his pocket. ‘Todd Wilkins will be all the Secret Santa you can handle.'” (11)
  • “‘You see, I’ve always wanted to have a home like you guys do.  Sure, my parents have money–tons of it.’ She laughed bitterly.  ‘But time?  Never.  I got used to being lonely, or so I thought.  But inside I always wanted…this,’ she said, gesturing around her. (142)

Trivia/Fun Facts:

  • Mr. Collins’s English classes are reading The Crucible.
  • Lila spends the majority of the book at a$300 a day spa called La Venue
  • At one point, the twins wear matching outfits in the form of navy cotton skirts and light blue short-sleeved sweaters

(Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:

Where to begin?  Should we start with the fact that like, three books ago, the twins were on summer vacation?  Or how about in the last book, where it was spring?  Todd moved away two books ago, in the spring, and now it’s winter and they’re all still juniors?  OW OW OW IT HURTS THE BRAIN.

There is also the issue of Suzanne’s mystery illness and the fact that she decides to keep it secret from everyone except Ma and Pa Wakefield.  How is that ever expected to go well?  I mean, she was terrible the last time she was out in Sweet Valley and everyone hates her, and all of a sudden she wants to come back and make amends?  Without the context of her illness, the teens in Sweet Valley are sitting blind and assuming she’s there to wreak more havoc.  Considering the kinds of personalities SVH sees on a daily basis (see: Wakefield, Jessica, and Martin, Betsy), it’s not hard to understand her rather cold reception.

The other thing worth mentioning is that Elizabeth struggles with what to buy Todd for Christmas and finally settles on a scarf, because he’ll need it in freezing cold Vermont.  They’ve been dating since like the dawn of time and she buys him a scarf?  If the reader wasn’t aware that their relationship was over, this was the moment that clinched it.