Estimated Elapsed Time: 3-4 weeks?
Jessica and Ken are still hot and heavy, despite the fact that it bugs Elizabeth and Jessica totally knows that she and Ken had an affair when Todd wasn’t living in Sweet Valley. Ken convinces Jessica that the best way to get even with the evil Heather Mallone is to start her own cheerleading squad, so of course Jessica’s first thought is to recruit Elizabeth? Elizabeth is horrified at this prospect. But then Jessica blackmails Elizabeth into joining, telling her if she doesn’t, she’ll tell Todd about Ken and Liz’s “steamy” affair. Liz joins and ends up liking it.
Meanwhile, the real (?) SVH cheerleading squad makes the regionals. Jessica is determined for them to also make regionals, but there’s a weird rule that says only one squad per school is eligible. Even when Jess’s squad pulls a flashmob-esque dance routine in front of the regionals judge at his house, she’s still rebuffed. It looks like Heather will win. OR WILL SHE? Because Jessica goes to see Principal Cooper and begs him to have an all-school vote about which cheerleading team should be the official one. THIS IS SUCH BORING BULLSHIT.
The cheer-off vote ends up in a tie, and Mr. Jenkins, who is there for some reason, tells them they can all go to regionals if they just merge squads. Both Jessica and Heather flat out refuse. But the other cheerleaders tell each of them the other has stepped down (confused yet?) and then keep practicing. But Jessica and Heather can’t stop fighting with one another. Finally, Amy and Liz tell the two to suck it up and cheer. The squad wins regionals, but not without some more squabbling. Ken mistakes Liz for Jessica AGAIN and Heather overhears him tell her “good luck.”
The night after regionals, Liz dresses up like Jess and goes to see Ken, because she still can’t figure out her feelings for him. When they start to make out, she realizes it’s Todd she wants and Ken realizes he’s making out with Liz. The two have a real talk about their feelings and then agree to go see Todd and Jessica and come clean. But Jessica has talked to Heather, who lets it slip that Ken was totally macking on Liz, and Jess has gone to see Todd with Liz’s diary in tow. Neither Todd nor Jessica wants to speak to Ken and Liz.
- According to this book, Ken and Terri broke up “not long” before Jess and Ken started seeing each other. Huh.
- Mr. Jenkins, cheerleading judge, drives a red Honda Civic
- Chrome Dome’s secretary is named Rosemary
- “He flashed a smile at her. ‘All that heavy breathing burns a lot of calories.'” (31)
- “She paused in front the of the mirror hanging over the table in the entryway. She high-fived herself, smiling at her own reflection.” (47) [AMAZING]
- “What drew me to Jessica at first was the fact that she was your identical twin sister. I could almost pretend she was you.” (186)
A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:
I don’t even have anything to say. Like, the stakes are so low here and I so fully don’t care that I can’t even find things to snark on. Everyone is terrible. I don’t buy the fact that Liz is angsting over her feelings for Ken because I still don’t believe they ever hooked up. I’m super creeped out by how much the twins switch boyfriends, but it doesn’t shock me anymore because everyone is terrible and I hate this mini-series.