Estimated Elapsed Time: 1 week
Summary/Overview:
It’s spring break and the twins are going on a ski trip to Colorado. Along with them, Lila, Todd, Enid and Winston are all going (there are 16 students and 2 chaperones in total). Jessica and Lila are both committed to finding the cutest skiing outfits they can. Todd is looking forward to some alone time with Liz, who keeps reminding them that there will be chaperones and also they will have roommates. But Todd’s hormones must be on overdrive, because he tries to climb into Elizabeth’s bunk on the chartered bus before they even get to the resort. Mr. Collins and Liz both freak out, and Todd shuffles back to his bunk.
Once they arrive at the ski resort, it’s clear that everyone has goals they want to meet on the trip. Winston is not a good skiier and doesn’t want people to know; Enid is determined to hook up with a guy and buys a book to help her snag a hottie on the slopes; Lila & Jessica are in competition to find the cutest dude; and Todd is laser-focused on getting Liz alone in a hotel room. I am already bored.
Jessica and Lila meet a super cute ski instructor named Lucas King and decide that they both want him. They pretend to be really bad at skiing so he’ll pay attention to them. Then they place a bet: whoever gets to kiss him first wins. The loser has to ski down the most dangerous double black diamond run at the resort. Jessica finagles an entire day’s worth of private lessons from him and Lila is pissed. She demands to be let in on the lesson, and Jessica tells her what time it’s at only to cancel Lila’s wake-up call and sneak out when she’s still sleeping. Lila gets back at her by going to a party thrown by Lucas without Jessica, and she ends up getting him to walk her back, where she kisses him under the window where Jessica is watching. Jessica loses the bet but dumps snow on Lila’s head.
When Lucas finds out that Jessica is about to ski the hardest run, he rushes off to stop her, and Lila goes along, determined to keep Jessica from getting alone time with him. Jessica and Lucas end up crashing into one another on the hill, and Lucas ends up with a sprained ankle while Jessica fractures hers. She sidles up to Lucas in the lounge while Lila is skiing, and then Lila flips her lid on Jess in front of Lucas, who takes that moment to disappear. He’s totally done with both of them.
While Lila and Jessica are fighting over the same boring dude, Enid is trying to get lucky on the slopes. She keeps trying out advice from the book she bought, but it keeps attracting the wrong types of dudes. WHO CARES.
Meanwhile, Todd convinces Winston to sleep elsewhere and gets Liz into his room. They start making out, and she puts the brakes on their session only to find out his plan, complete with a “do not disturb” sign. She’s pissed and ends up dumping a cold glass of water on his lap, which might be one of the coolest things she’s ever done. Todd doesn’t get it, and he also doesn’t have the courtesy to tell Winston that Liz isn’t sleeping over, which pisses him off when he shows up the next morning sore from trying to sleep on a couch in the lounge.
Liz and Todd have a fight on the mountain and part ways. There’s a storm brewing, and Liz watches as Todd skis past her into a different area. Then there’s an avalanche and the two are separated! Liz thinks that he’s been trapped in the snow, and she runs to a nearby ski patrol station and tells them that she thinks Todd might be in danger. The man, a dude named Dirk Roman, tells her they’ll send out a search party.
But Todd is fine, and has been brought to a cabin by an older woman named Cassandra Lee, who is very attractive, according to Todd. He manages to reach the ski patrol station on a CB radio, but he doesn’t hear Liz and worries she might be trapped outside. He loses contact with the patrol, and Cassandra convinces him that it’s too dark to do anything until the morning. Todd gives her the bed and sleeps on the couch and wakes up in the middle of the night to find Cassandra kissing him. This is seriously creepy. He brushes her off and thinks about Liz.
Liz demands to stay the night in the patrol cabin even though it’s against the rules. Dirk is very comforting. He keeps bending rules for her, even allowing her to come on the rescue mission to find Todd. They take a helicopter up to look for the cabin and finally find it. When they clear the door and enter, Liz finds Todd in Cassandra’s embrace. Liz storms off and when she’s back at the hotel, Dirk tries to comfort her by kissing her. Todd walks in at that moment and is upset. I DO NOT CARE. It hardly matters because they make up at Winston’s second attempt at a “welcome back” party.
Enid hooks up with Lucas at the party and everyone goggles at it. Enid feels like the punchline even when she gets the guy.
Trivia/Fun Facts:
- Jessica’s new ski outfit is purple spandex pants with a color-blocked pink and purple parka.
- Enid is rooming with Liz; Todd is rooming with Winston, Lila is rooming with Jessica, and Olivia is rooming with Caroline Pearce.
- Winston wears a shoe size 13. FYI.
Memorable Quotes:
- “No, it wasn’t. Not exactly,” Elizabeth said, trying to be fair to her sister. “I don’t think that’s how she meant it. She made romance and love sound like one big, fun game. The object is to have a great time. And to see who wins–the guy or the girl.” (27) [This is fucked.]
- “You didn’t even ask me what I wanted last night! You just assumed that I would want whatever you wanted. Well, I didn’t! And right now I don’t want to talk.” (98)
A (Totally Unqualified) Critical Analysis:
There are two major issues with this book, and they both deal with sex. The first is obviously Todd’s desire to take things further with Elizabeth without actually talking about it, which is problematic in and of itself. But it’s also totally tone-deaf. This is a couple that discusses everything, and we are to believe that they haven’t talked about whether or not they’re ready to have sex? I find it unrealistic that the furthest Liz and Todd have gone is making out, especially because neither is religious (I’m sure I’ve written about this before), but I find it even more ridiculous that he wouldn’t know how to talk about it with the Queen of Over-Analyzing. It doesn’t make any sense, and it’s utterly ridiculous.
The second issue has to do with the portrayal of Cassandra, and her overt advances towards Todd. It’s okay, if a little creepy, that she hits on him, but it’s another thing entirely to start making out with him while he’s asleep. That is sexual assault, lady, on the way to rape town. She sort of apologizes later for hitting on him, claiming she thought he was a “big boy,” but that doesn’t excuse making sexual advances while the other person was unconscious. It is totally bonkers to me that this was included in the book as a thing that is not a big deal at all. BONKERS.